We

Mean

Business

You might have noticed over the past few years that the economy … well … it’s buggered! And you might also have noticed that no one seems to be able to pull their finger out and turn things around! But have no fear … The Funky Junkies are here … and we (the people) are gonna get it sorted! It ain’t gonna be plain sailing … but we bring pure determination, brainstormed inspiration, team motivation and clever innovation to the table. You? You bring the biscuits! We Mean Business … aiming for success!

Beyoncé

w,

w,

w,

w,

WINNER!

HOORAH! Congratulations to Gareth Cash @ BSKYB who won two VIP tickets to see Beyoncé. Commiserations to everyone who didn't win ... we had a silly amount of entries but as always it's first out of the hat ... Gareth is the one that to shake his jelly this time!

Everyone who missed out is automatically entered into our next prize draw - Tea for Two at The Ritz in London ... it's a bit POSH there don't you know!?!

The

Funky

...

WHO?!

The Funky Junkies, baby! We supply music to the film, tv, radio and advertising industries all around the world, innit! Our music gets used by the likes of the BBC, ITV, loads of BSKYB channels, Channel 5, Channel 4, production companies, all types of national and local radio stations and websites ... the list keeps getting bigger and we keep getting funkier! Not in the UK? Check out our overseas agents if you wanna get busy with us!

Posh

Stuff

Can we be serious for a moment? Lovely … then we’ll begin. Sublime and sophisticated, glassy and classy. Produced, particular, pretty and plush. We dimmed the lights when recording this one and kept them low when mixing it. Gorgeous grooves meet mellow melodies with hints of orchestras, trip hop, chill and organic acoustica all cuddling up alongside one another … and a few snooty things to boot. Nice. So sit back, relax and get the runner to order in a gourmet burger this time! Posh Stuff … keeping it classy.

Safari

issues?

SORTED!

Hi All. If you were getting frustrated with our site in Safari then you can imagine how frustrated we were! But we fixed it! It took around 43 packets of Chocolate Hob Nobs and 271 coffees between us ... but we got there. Jiggery, pokery ... and a very large hammer helped too! Thanks for sticking with us and if anyone knows a good syrup maker then we could do with the details ... many a head of hair was lost! Tim @ TFJ.

Phat

Bangers!!!

A summer of clubbing is coming and The Junkies needed a soundtrack for the journey down to Kavos! THIS is the album that will be tearing up the coach's tape player! We're not talking subtle here, ok? Expect the ruff, the epic, the cheeky, the deep. There are some lighter choons in the middle but overall this one is havin' it ... large ... BIG STYLE! Watch ya bass bins! Phat Bangers ... explosive electronic dance music!

Spring

is

Springing!

Yes

...

FINALLY!!!!

After a couple of false starts ... the UK spring has arriven! (Yes ... we know ... we're pushing it a bit, aren't we!). The lambs are hopping, the seeds are popping ... and The Funky Junkies' choons are droppin'! (Look ... we dont write this stuff ... we outsource it and we get what we're given, ok?)

Check these classics from the catalogue ... choons that grow, spring forth and burst into life!

South

Africa

...

get

ready

to

rock,

rave

and

drink

tea!

The Junkies are well happy! We have made the trip down south! TFJ is now exclusively distributed by Red Igloo Music in South Africa ... and we're gonna rock the party! Check out Red Igloo's new site and be sure to tell them we sent you for the good stuff!

The

MAIN,

the

BED

...

and

the

BASIC!

Oh ... and the 30" Edit and Stings! All our tracks come with hyper usable alternative mixes! The Main Mix is full on, the Bed Mix has loads of space for a voiceover and the Basic Mix has LOADS of space for sync sound too! We've also got lots of other mixes in the TFJ broom cupboard should need them - no vocals, no beats ... you name it ... we remixed it! Check them out using the drop down menu on each album page ... easy, innit?!?

Charidee!

Every year we give some of our royalties to charities that need a bit of help. We're proud to have supported Jigsaw4u, Alex Flynn's 10 Million Metres and The Music Therapy Charity all of whom do amazing work in their chosen fields. We're always on the look out for who'd like a little help so if you've got an idea on who that should be then register and let us know!

ANOTHER

Winner!

MASSIVE congratulations to Martin Gent over at AETN who was only TWO away from guessing the jar had 1805 pills contained within it! We think it was all skill … and luck had nothing to do with it! He has won an iPad 3 but because we are nice, we swapped it for 500 quids worth of Apple Store vouchers! He owes us a very large beer! Our next prize draw involves Tea For Two at The Ritz in London to celebrate our release POSH STUFF! We’ll keep you up to date! Here’s American Jon counting the buggers up!

Hello

again

...

!

So ... you may have noticed ... our site's had a bit of a re-rub! New listening features, The Choon Finder ... oooh, yes please! To do all this we had to start using cookies. By law, we have to tell you this. So, here goes ... we use cookies (?!) But do us a favour ... don't tell our web designer bloke that The Funky Junkies don't really know what a cookie is or what it actually does  ... just nod along politely with him like we did! On the other hand ... we are experts on Chocolate Hob Nobs!

The

Choon

FINDER!

Life. It's difficult enough without searching for music! What you want is to find it! So boys and girls ... we made The Choon Finder! It's pretty simple. We stayed away from those over complicated search systems and steered clear of the 'oh so groovy' ones too! We made it eeeeasy! Press a combination of buttons for the type of choon you're looking for ... and you're done! BOOM!

Going

MOBILE,

baby!

During our website re-rub we made sure that it was coded for for your iPad, your iPhone and all manner of other mobile devices that you might own! You can browse our albums on the bus, demo our tracks on the train ... and you can use The Choon Finder on a first date! That's how we like to impress ... and so should you!  Try and keep your iOS and other browsers as up to date for best results! Enjoy!

It's

a

Conspiracy!

We've built our bunker, we've stocked up on supplies ... The Junkies know the end of the world is coming! Do you? Come on! We're not talking meteors and aliens ... we're talking bankers, governments ... the Illuminati, man! They're out to get us, they're out to get you ... we know it! So let's have it ... time the 1% get the message. We The People! It's a Conspiracy ... and the truth will out!

And

the

winner

is

...

Congratulations to Ashley Randall over at Disney who has won 500 quids worth of Apple store vouchers via Joke Off prize draw in September! Ashley … we like the look of the new iPhone … no wait ... the iPad … um actually we like that MacBook Air … oh … it's so difficult to choose?!??! Well done you lucky man with love from your new favourite music library! x

The

Swingers

Party

Dinner parties. One minute you're passing around the After Eight mints ... and the next minute you're removing your best mate's wife's bra! We've all been there! So at TFJ we had a rummage through some drawers and came across some tunes we bashed out years ago! Swingtastic! Put your keys in the bowl ... and pray you don't get Mr Watts from number 35! The Swingers Party ... it's sex in the suburbs!

Baggy,

Britpop

and

Beyond

Ahhh ... the hazy days of the 90's. We remember them like it ... no, hang on ... we don't remember them that well at all! Our Junky brain cells ain't what they used to be. But we DO remember the music! Music that had riffs. Music that had melody. Music that made you wanna dance, mosh and sing-along! Oh well ... at least we have One Direction to fill that gap now! Baggy, Britpop and Beyond ... halcyon indie from the 90's!

Totally

Zen

Here's a fact ... we love to party! But even The Junkies need some R&R from time to time! A good rub down, a piece of fruit ... failing that six weeks in The Priory! So along our rehab travels we got inspired to write a tune or two. 34 chilled out vibes, keeping the new age dial set low and the holistic knob cranked all the way to the right! Totally Zen ... relaxing drones, tones and soundscapes!

FIX

it

in

the

r,

r,

remix

...

All of our tracks download with underscores and alternative mixes. But if you need one of the tracks tweaked then get on the blower and let us know! We can either get it changed in our state of the art 1980s studio or we can supply you with the stems and you can be all Superstar DJ yourself! Limo from the airport and champagne on ice not included!

Energy

Buzz

Ok ... we're bang on it here! We're talking blood, sweat, tears. We're talking no pain no gain and plenty of training. We're talking like ... no Greggs' Cheese Pasties for a whole month! But if you want be the best then (as we know) dedication is what you need! Powerful beats, bouncing basslines, meaty guitars and lots of endorphin fun! Bring. It. On. Energy Buzz .... fully charged and ready to go!

Subtle

Little

Things

Sometimes, us Junkies like to do something Posh. For Subtle Little Things we lost the beats and those banging bass lines and pulled out a brand new Alba microphone to capture some truly beautiful music! Halcyon countryside holidays, chilling out with friends in the park and delicately fragile moments. And you thought we didn't have it in us?! Pfff!

CHOOSE

us,

USE

us!

So here's the deal. Use our music and get free stuff … it's as simple as that. Some would call them bribes, others would call them incentives … we call them KICKBACKS! If you can prove that you've slipped some of our funky vibes into your productions, or given us a good idea, then you may just get something extra funky from the Junkies!

Winning

Indie

Everyone knows by now that The Funky Junkies are the rock stars of library. Just the other week Trucker Trash was out until 1am and had to get the night bus all the way back to East Dulwich! So ... who you gonna turn to if you want some "fist in the air" indie rock anthems fit for a sports stadium or two?! Well ... it's obviously gonna be us innit! Winning Indie ... plugged in stadium anthems!

8

Bit

Trips

We plugged a ZX Spectrum into an Atari into an Amstrad into a BBC Micro Computer into a Speak 'n' Spell into an Akai S900 into a handheld Donkey Kong game into a copy of Space Invaders into a vocoder synth into a guitar amp. Then we typed into the ZX Spectrum >10 PRINT "THE FUNKY JUNKIES ARE SKILL" >20 GOT0 10. Then we hit record on the tape machine! 8 Bit Trips … addicted to bytes!

And

the

BLOG

goes

on

...

Fancy keeping up with the random rants and musings of us here at Junkies HQ? Then why not follow our blog where we'll be setting the world to rights from time to time over a particularly fine Pouilly-Fuissé and Café Creme cigars! (Don’t expect daily updates … even monthly would be pushing it!)

Other

Worlds

Aliens. If you know anything about us then you'll know that we'd be believers! But after years of sending telepathic messages to the E.T.'s … they still haven't come to get us! Enough is enough. Time to go find them ourselves! So grab your Space Raiders (only 20p!), fasten your seatbelts and join us on The Funky Junkies' magical mystery tour to the stars! Other Worlds … it's like … really spaced out, man!

Seaside

Rock

If you're anything like The Funky Junkies, you'll be tightening your belt and swapping the Seychelles for the Seaside this year! So we rustled up 37 summery, guitary tracks (yeah … 37, baby … we don't mess about you know!) to take along for the ride! With the Fun Button firmly taped down on the mixing desk, we made sure that we covered every eventuality! Seaside Rock … a bumper load of summer fun!

Beds,

underscores,

edits

and

tings!

Don't forget that all the tracks have lots of alternate versions for you to delve into. Screeching synth line getting in the way? Bin the Main Mix and use the Basic Mix! Vocals not needed. Lose them quick smart ... and use the Bed Mix! It's like Speed Dating but with choons instead of double-baggers. Not that we've ever been Speed Dating ... ahem ...

Cranked

Kids

Natural this, no colourings that, free from preservatives … blah de bloody blah! Where's the fun in eating all that rubbish? No wonder kids today look so ill all the time! What they need is the staple diet what made us Junkies the fine figures we are today! Sugar. Colourings. Fat. Flavourings. Preservatives! Those things make you feel good 'innit!? Cranked Kids … 100% artificial everything!

Coffeeshop

Vibes

Right then. Take one tall, skinny, 180 Degrees, Half Caff Macchiato. Add a touch of caramel and a sprinkle of grated chocolate. Take a seat. Roll up a Colombian Doobie. Light it. Order a couple of space cakes and chow down. Come on … we're all adults here! You thought we meant coffeeshop as in Starbucks? You do know we're called The Funky Junkies right?! Coffeeshop Vibes … 27 mellow flavours!

Do

you

like

to

WATCH

...?

Ever wondered what us Funky Ones do all day? Well wonder no more! Click though to our live JunkieCam and see us in all our glorious Technicolor. If the cameras offline it’s probably because we are having a wiz or something but don't worry ... we'll be back after a fag break or two.

Funky

Jams

So the brief from the Boss Man Tim went something like this. "Right. Here's an old drum kit, some guitars, a bass, a horn section, some breakbeats, a keyboard and sampler, a crate of dusty vinyl and a pair of decks. Get jammin'!' Junkies enter studio. Junkies exit studio 79 minutes later with this little lot. Junkies smugly return to telly and KFC bucket. Funky Jams … sticky, lickin‘ fixes!

Want

to

be

our

FRIEND

...?

No Junky is an island as the saying goes. We might be massive show offs giving it the big one but we also like to listen to you from time to time! So using this new fangled interweb thing we can stay in touch everyday! Facebook, Twitter, Skype, MSN ... we're on them all! We can't guarantee that we'll be coherent 100% of the time (especially before 11am!) but we'll try our best ... ok?

Proper

Soccer

Footballers. They're overpaid. They're underworked. They're non-stop shaggers! And you know what us Junkies say?! Nice work if you can get it! But glory don't come easy. It takes trials, training, plenty of punditry and some big match moments. So until you've done your time and proved you've got real talent … get stuck in and give it some welly! Proper Soccer ...  this ain't no fantasy football ...

We

want

YOUR

music

...

!

Think you've got what it takes to be one of The Funky Junkies? We'll be the judge of that! Get over to Soundcloud and send us your demos. We'll either have a right laugh at your expense or we'll offer you a lucrative recording contract ... all the peanuts you can eat!

Sex,

Drugs

and

Rock

n

Roll

...

Here we go! The Funky Junkies‘ first release starts as we mean to go on  namely a hedonistic mix of bass, beats, guitars and debauchery! Each and every track has been designed to get your crotch, teeth and axe grinding … all at the same time! You want it big? You want it hard? You want it so, so bad?!?! Careful what you wish for because with SDRNR … resistance is futile.

Feed

your

ADDICTION

...

!

Sign up, get involved, crack open the fireworks and enter our competitions! To thank those who love the Junkies, we'll be running the odd prize draw for everyone on our mailing list to win some very tasty prizes. Hand over a great idea to us Funky Ones and then we'll send you some branded junk that we have laying around the office to thank you!

Takeaway

Menu

lt's a pretty simple concept. We love music. And we bloody LOVE takeaways. So we mashed the two together! We took some spicy flavas, the odd drum loop or ten, plenty of instruments from around the world and then cooked ‘em up into a taste explosion! Takeaway Menu ... hot and spicy ... with extra cheese!

Want

some

CONTACT

...?

Give us your details and we'll keep you up to date with all our Funky Stuff!  Competitions, new tracks, incentives, news, gossip, deals, parties and pranks! We promise we won't sell on your details to anyone and will try not to leave them on an unsecured USB stick aboard the 18.39 from Waterloo!

Tech

Heads

Computers, the internet, broadband connections and (our personal favourite) website streaming. We love ‘em all! Yet every now and again disaster strikes. We're talking crashes, disconnections, computer viruses and general technology woes. But don't worry! Help is at hand! Pass the hammer and let The Funky Junkies have a crack at it! Tech Heads … smashed up electronica for shouting over!

Them's

the

RULES

...

All the Junkies are available for commissions, bespoke writing and composing to picture. And we can also remix our existing tracks, shorten them, make them longer, add vocals ... well pretty much anything you need us to do really. We can even come to your office and do a little dance for the right price! Get on the blower or email the Junkies HQ and tell us what you need.

Freaky

Africa

Africa plus Library normally equals majestic soundtracks and tribal drumming. Oh dear … how boring! We're The Funky Junkies … we don't do normal and we don't do boring! Our formula was quite different. Take a kicking track (dance, rock, funk, indie) then sample up a bunch of African vibes and slap them across the top! Mental or what?! Freaky Africa … welcome to the bizarre safari!

Give

us

YOUR

ideas

...

We can‘t think of everything! We're good … but not that good! So if you have an idea for an album, a track or a feature for our website, email us with your suggestions. Depending on what you come up with, we'll send you some our Funky Junkies Junk like t-shirts, USB sticks, headphones and other such love.

Back

In

The

Day

Remember the old skool? Baggy jeans, floppy hair? The pills, the thrills, the lights, the lasers? The 303? The 808? Chicago House and Detroit Acid? What's your name, where you from? Flyers, free raves, hardcore, you know the score? The happy, smiley faces of a blissed out generation? Well here is Back In The Day ... and it's time to take it back ...

Use

us

and

WIN

Stuff

...

!

Wanna win some hand picked, top notch prizes? For every Funky Junkies album release we will be running a competition to win some very tasty prizes. To enter the competitions, just tell us when and where you've used our music!

Head

Honcho

INFO

...

The Master of The Funky Junkies Universe is a geezer called Tim Rushent. Along with being a part-time Ricky Gervais lookalike, Tim sits in the studio with the Junkies pushing the tracks that little bit further. This normally involves panning things around a lot, ordering in pizza, occasionally saying ‘Yeah, that sounds better" when we haven't changed a thing and generally getting in the way.

Destination

Exploration

After listening to the completed CD of this album even we sat back in horror and said, "We've gone too far this time!" Swinging from the sublime to the ridiculous, this album will help you find new ways to ‘Have It‘ and new ways to 'Chill'! So pack the choons into your rucksack and head off into the sunset! Destination Exploration … completely lose it on planet earth!

Show

us

your

LOVE

...

You diggin’ us? You liking this? You feeling The Funky Junkies vibe, baby? Then help us spread the gospel of The Funky Junkies around the world and link us up to your social network! In return (if we think you’re worthy!) we'll give away a pair of our very exclusive The Funky Junkies headphones so you can listen to our funky stuff in crystal clear stereo and in our red and white style! Shhhhhexy!